The Monroe Dilemma
by pecannutespresso
Summary: When Artie is being a grump and Claudia messes with an artifact, how will their lives change?
1. Chapter 1

The Monroe Dilemma

**Please note, I do not own the characters, I did not come up with them, etcetera. This is merely an imagining of two characters that I enjoy and thought would be interesting together, even though in real life as well as the show, they do not engage in any such activity as such. Read on my friend, and enjoy.**

"Bye Claudia!" Pete waved frantically out the rolled down window as Myka sped off. Her foot, a lead brick most days, was no different today. Besides, they had to catch a plane from a small airport just outside Univille to hop to another, slightly larger airport, and so on until the pair were finally in the Siberian Outback, as Pete called it, to nab an artifact that had something to do with a common stove fire that wouldn't be extinguished and had begun to grow larger.

Claudia waved back, happy she could stay in the, still cold, but slightly warmer state of South Dakota. Granted it was much lower on the latitudinal lining (or was it longitudinal?) of the world, but it was winter and it was cold.

Cold enough that Claudia's thick sweater wasn't cutting it. She quickly yanked the warehouse door away from a killer snow bank and let it shut behind her. Sure there was a door closing remote, but when it was blowing enough to cause a whiteout, no button would shut the door.

She shook off the snow that had fallen onto her, more like furiously thrown at her at speeding degrees of velocity, and hustled back up to the office.

Artie had been taking a short "interlude" as he called it. A nap. Claudia knew better. On top of it, she had heard him snoring before she'd rushed Myka and Pete out the door.

There was a long list of items to be entered into the database and shelved before Claudia's weekend could officially start. Boxes sat scattered around the office, waiting to be placed. Artie was sleeping, Claudia was alone in the office. She popped her music list up and cranked it loud enough where it wouldn't wake the sleeping bear upstairs.

She danced around the office, fiddling with the boxes and finding the most interesting items first.

"Why, George Washington's—" she paused, repulsed by what she had just picked up. "His teeth? Oh my god gross!" She let the false teeth fall, a little harder than she should have, back into the box. Making fake retching noises, she quickly found another box.

"Cleopatra's eyeliner? That's what I'm talking about." She pulled out a small glass container and brush. The equally small index card simply read: Cleopatra's Makeup, Dung Beetle Dung. "Why is everything in the past disgusting?" She set the artifact back where it came from sighing.

Claudia decided it would go faster if she just put the information in the computer system already. "So much for cool stuff," she mumbled.

Item after item she punched in the notes Artie had left her on the index cards. If it was so urgent, she thought, why wasn't he helping her? Then again, as crabby as he was before Pete and Myka left, it was probably better he wasn't.

"The last artifact!" She was triumphant in her exclamation. And slightly hopeful that it wasn't something gross, dead, or vomit inducing. "Marylin Monroe's Hair Clip, huh? Hmm, don't mind if I do."

Claudia couldn't think of anything bad that would come of a hair clip. The other artifact of the 1960's sex goddess was a brush that turned hair platinum blonde. How bad could a little hair clip be? She flipped open a mirror Artie had hidden in the drawer. Slipping the small hair clip into her red hair, just partially behind her ear, she looked closely. It looked great on her! The purple and blue gems that were on the end only made her hair glow with beauty.

"You better have all of those artifacts done with Claudia!" Artie sounded even more crabby then he did when he went to sleep, as if that was possible.

"Yes Sir Artimus Maximus!" Claudia stood at attention, her hand up in salute.

"Just stop," he grumbled as he walked down the spiral staircase. But something was different. When his eyes met Claudia's he paused, for just a second, and stared at her. There was something different, something that Artie couldn't place his finger on.

But it was there.

"Did you, uh, get those artifacts done?" Artie blinked a few times. No, there was something different alright.

"Yeah, all done," she patted the top of the box nearest her. Standing, she smiled sheepishly at Artie. Maybe it was lack of sleep, or his seriously harsh bedhead, but Artie looked handsome. He always did, but more so than usual.

"Hey, Claud, what are you doing tonight? You look pretty." The words had tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them. He clapped his hand over his mouth and his eyes grew wide.

"Um, just hanging out in my room I guess. The weather sucks, doubt I'll get into town even."

'She didn't notice?' Artie thought, a wave of relief crashed over him. He began to fuss around the room. IT proved fruitless, Claudia noticed that he was doing nothing that made sense, picking up boxes and sheets of paper before setting them down in another spot.

"Artie," she cooed, a slight tinge of worry in her voice. "Are you okay? You seem a little shaken."

Claudia placed her hand on his shoulder, close enough to his collar that she brushed her pinkie against his neck. Instantly, he froze. His eyes grew dewy and he turned to her.

"God you are beautiful," he whispered. In rapid succession, Artie's hands wrapped around her torso, pulling her tightly to his body, and kissed her softly on the lips. His large hands spread across her petite back, anchoring her to him.

In the shock of it all, Claudia kissed him back. Teasing him by licking at his lower lip. But before either could do anything, Artie had a splinter of a second of clarity.

He pulled back, her eyes were closed and a small smile inched across her face. The tight skin on her face glowed, her barely there freckles accented by the blushing color in her cheeks. Her hands were on his upper arms, grasping at the fabric of his shirt, silently begging him to stay close to her.

Opening his mouth to respond to what had just happened, Artie watched as Claudia's eyes blinked open and she began to nibble on her lower lip. Those big green eyes went from his to his lips, her teeth still working on her bottom lip.

"Why don't we watch a movie? Here? Tonight?"


	2. Chapter 2

Claudia let go of Artie's arms and let him fuss around some more, watching him as he watched her just out of the corner of his eye. Each bending or stretching movement she made, he was taking great care to not be caught noticing.

Of course he was caught, Claudia just didn't let him know.

She liked the attention. It was better than having Pete around; he had started to suffer from the "Big Brother Syndrome." Every time a man or anyone looked at Claudia and Pete was around, he grew overly defensive. The rest of the day would be filled with murmurs of how no one should look at Claudia like she was meat. Claudia and Myka laughed it off.

Artie had been cautious around Pete though, knowing full well that the ex-Marine and current Secret Service agent could easily kick his ass. And one kick would probably do it.

But now that they would be spending a few days traveling plus a few days getting a hold of the artifact, and then a few more days traveling back, Artie was sure he could sneak some glances as the young beauty bent over. Her jeans, that were tight while she stood, would stretch over her round bottom as she riffled for something at the bottom of the box.

One time Claudia had bent over so far that the top of her panties became exposed. They were a black lace that almost stopped Artie's heart.

That was the one time she called him out on it. Pete and Myka had just communicated to him through the Farnsworth that they had finally landed from their first flight after being stuck at the airport for twelve hours. Artie spun around to shake Claudia from her musical daydream, her earphones visible against the dark clothes she wore.

The lace was only slightly exposed. At first Artie was unsure if it was even her bottoms. But when she stretched for the opposite corner of the box and a little more was exposed, he made a breathless groan.

Claudia whipped her head around.

"You okay Old Man?" She paused when she realized he was not looking her in the eyes. "Artie!" She wiggled her jean clad bottom.

"Huh?" Artie shook his head and began to mess with his glasses.

"Are you okay?" She smiled.

"Uh, yeah. I'm, I'm fine. How's the search for the hair clip coming?" Artie had been so startled by the beautiful sight of her panties and the thoughts of what the rest of them might look like that he'd forgotten to pass on the message that Claudia needed to feed the nameless ferret living in Myka's room.

Claudia sighed. There was no sign of it.

"Hey Artie, why don't we call it a night? I'm exhausted. You're not doing much but sitting there fiddling with your glasses for the ten thousandth time. How 'bout that movie you promised me earlier?" She ran her hands down her sides and over her bottom, patting her back pockets.

Artie's mouth was open. He really wanted to just be near her. He'd never noticed before but Claudia had sprouted into this beautiful woman at some point. And now he was going to take her upstairs to watch a movie.

In his bedroom.

Possibly in his bed.

'Where'd all these feelings come from?' Artie was lost in his thoughts.

"Artie! Snap out of it! Movie, now," she whined. Bouncing on the balls of her feet brought Artie out of his daydream of being so near to Claudia that maybe he could get another small kiss out of her.

"Okay, okay," he said as he put his glasses back on. He rose from the chair and made his way to the stairs. "Please, you first my dear."

He couldn't deny that he was to take advantage of this situation. Such a round backside in front of his face with a wild imagination of what the rest of the black lace panties looked like, Artie was happy he always wore such long and baggy shirts.

"So, this is your room huh? Never thought you'd be one for a swing bed Art," Claudia plopped down on the bed, her legs swinging under the mattress.

Artie's bed, a very large version of a swing with the world's most cozy mattress as the seat was unique. But so was the owner. He'd turned the empty storage room into his own for nights when the warehouse needed him late into the evening. Then again, he stayed there most nights, late or not.

There were antique dressers and bookshelves all over. One might think the whole room to be decorated with artifacts, but Artie was keen on antique furniture. He thought it matched the warehouse well.

Claudia scooted back and stretched out with her red hair contrasting against the white pillows.

Artie smiled, still standing in the doorway. The young woman looked absolutely beautiful on his bed. Her lean frame sank into the blankets. The bottom of her shirt inched up to expose her pale and taught flesh. Her eyes closed and she moaned softly.

"Artieeeeee, this bed, I'm stealing it."

Artie just chuckled, but Claudia sat upright.

"You think I'm joking?" She slipped her shoes off and tossed them to the corner. She stood on the cloud like mattress. Artie took a few tentative steps forward. "Movies. Where are they?" She asked, jumping off the bed. Artie told her all he had was what was on the tv. "Well, it's a good thing I've hacked us into some internet related streaming of movies!" She plopped down cross legged and clicked the power button on the remote. The tv screen remained black with a signal lost box on it. Claudia was at a loss.

Sure it was snowing outside, but there mustn't be this much of a problem with the signal.

"Kiddo," Artie said after she tried for seven minutes to get the signal to boost. "We'll just have to watch it on the local station."

He sat along the opposite side of the bed, cautious enough to keep some distance between the two of them. Claudia made herself comfortable by wiggling her way under the blankets, pulling them tightly over her body.

"Did you want to use the blankets?" She asked him with wide eyes, more telling than asking.

Artie shrugged, but Claudia flipped back the free corner of the blankets to let him crawl under with her. She waited for him to get completely under the blankets before she made her move. Claiming that she didn't know what channel had the best movies, she forked the remote over to the older man and stretched out.

Her hand brushed against his bare arm, sending goosebumps all over his body.

"Claudia," Artie paused his channel changing and shifted to look her directly in the eyes. "I don't know why it's taken this long for me to," he noticed a gleaming gem in her hair. "What's that?"


End file.
